Regardless of how frequently you’re swiping, how many matches you get, or how many dates you go on, online dating will always find a way to disappoint you. I realize I sound jaded, but hear me out.
I have no doubt that there are plenty of great guys in the single dude pool. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that there are incredible guys on dating apps. The problem? Finding them. Weeding through all of the shirtless mirror selfies, dumb bios, and people in seemingly “open” relationships can be disheartening. I think a fair rule of thumb is that for every 15 swipes left, you’ll get one promising swipe right. Assuming you match with said swipe right, now you can only hope that they can hold a conversation.
While it seems like a no-brainer, you’d be surprised at how lousy conversations can be. It can go one of two ways: 1) they can say something so bizarre that you abort and block (this would be the guy with a personality like a rock), or 2) they disappear after a few surface-level exchanges (the ghosts). The creepy conversationalists don’t even deserve an explanation, but let me break down the later for you. When it comes to online dating you toss out the line to a handful of guys and see who takes the bait. From those guys who respond, you usually pick 2-3 that you feel like investing time into in the hopes that 1-2 will lead to a date. The same goes for guys. Generally when they disappear mid-conversation it’s because they started talking to someone else they’re more interested in. The truth hurts, but that’s showbiz, baby.
That being said, here’s my least favorite part about online dating– pen pals. Everyone should know by now that I am dating with one end goal: marriage. This means that I’m not interested in wasting my time chatting with someone for three weeks with no intentions of meeting up. I like to label these guys as the pen pals, to which I say “thank you, next.” In reality, I know that when I meet the one, the conversation will flow organically, and he’ll (hopefully) jump through hoops to keep it flowing in person. As it should be, amiright?
I’m rambling, but feel the need to add that the last discouraging thing about online dating is my own expectations. I have met some promising guys from the apps, so I know that they’re out there. I’m almost optimistic to a fault. What I mean by that is that because I’ve had incredible first (second, third, and so on) dates, my expectations are almost too high. I know what it’s like to leave a date with a smile plastered on my face, and when I don’t immediately feel that after leaving a dinner with someone new, my walls go up. Because I’m looking for my husband, I refuse to settle and find myself being overly picky (even if that means having the hard, “it’s not you, it’s me” conversations).
So, let’s recap. The most discouraging parts about online dating are the weirdos, the PLARs (personality like a rock), the ghosts, the pen pals, and my sky-high expectations.
That being said, I will keep trying. Regardless of whether I find my dude on Bumble, at Whole Foods, or from a mutual friend setup, I will continue to put myself out there and be available to the possibility. At the end of the day, all we can do is try and hope that my milkshake brings the right boy(s) to the yard. Ya feel me?