February 22, 2019

Why My Year Started Off On The Struggle Bus

FILED IN: Lifestyle

If you keep up with me on Instagram Stories, you know that my January was the pits. I was so excited for a fresh start come January 1, and I felt like all I got was disappointment. Generally, I like to keep a pretty positive outlook on life, and am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but it seemed like everything in January was going wrong. It put a heavy cloud over my previously optimistic 2019.

Let’s start from the beginning.

The day after Christmas, I got sick. What seemed to be a standard cold turned in to a four-week infection. I usually try to ride out colds without taking much medicine, but after a couple of weeks I started having some trouble breathing, and finally decided to see an urgent care doctor. Turns out it was a bronchial infection, and as a result my lungs were super tight. He prescribed me a steroid for my lungs, and a rescue inhaler to use twice every 4-6 hours to help with the breathing. I was thrilled to finally have answers and a solution. But then, of course, two weeks later I was still wheezing and having a hard time swallowing. I went down the rabbit-hole, also known as webMD, and decided to schedule a follow-up appointment with my actual primary care physician. He told me I was using the rescue inhaler too often, and was likely having esophageal spasms due to that. My anxiety was at an all-time high, I was too scared to eat anything because it was getting stuck, and I spent the whole next week back at my parents’ house moping around (life of a hypochondriac, ya know?).

Because of my weak lungs, wheezing, and spasms in my esophagus, I was avoiding physical activity at all costs. At this point, I hadn’t worked out in four weeks (it’s now been nearly eight) and was going mental (still kinda am, tbh). For me, working out is a key part of my weekly routine. I crave cardio, and the endorphins I get from it keep me sane. Since I wasn’t able to get my sweat-on, I was getting restless and extremely frustrated. This was the most discouraging part of it all, and I was having a really, really hard time seeing any glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.

In the midst of all of this, the universe decided to kick me while I was down, and I got laid off from work. I can’t say that I was totally surprised given the current state of the company, but my ego was blindsided and took it hard. While I had toyed around with the idea of finding something new after the 2019 summer season, I wasn’t mentally or financially prepared to leave just yet. My resume was 6-years outdated and I didn’t have a back-up plan. To make matters worse, I was still struggling to find answers regarding my health and had about a week after being laid off before I lost my health insurance altogether. What the f*ck was I going to do? I was stressed, and depressed (not really, but I wasn’t in a good place).

Fast-forward to the end of January, I was unemployed with nothing but time on my hands to focus on the perpetual gloom that had become my life (I’m dramatic). It was then, on February 1, while I was getting a facial that I decided I was going to go off of the Chinese New Year. January sucked, but I was determined to make February (and the rest of 2019) so much better. I’m still not 100% healthy, and can’t say that my savings account is where I thought it would be, but things are looking up.

In the past couple of weeks I started (slowly) back on the treadmill, have attempted (unfortunately, unsuccessfully) to taper off of the inhalers prescribed to me, redid my whole resume, spammed the entire San Francisco Bay Area with said resume, took advantage of any local professional connections I had, and focused my spare time on creating new blog content.

In retrospect, what I was (am) going through is so small compared to what others have to deal with– but to me it felt like my world was in shambles. After picking up the pieces, I realized that this was all a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason, and something even better than what I left behind is waiting for me on the other side of this turmoil. Sometimes life gives you a kick in the ass, but it’s usually a kick in the right direction.

Here’s to a healthier, happier rest of 2019!

xx, jordan


  1. So glad you are starting to feel better girl! I can imagine how hard this must be but I know something even better is around the corner! 🙂

  2. Tiffany Tanquary says:

    Hey girl! Let me know if you see any positions at DocuSign that you would like me to refer you too! I’ll pray for you! 🙂

  3. Tiffany says:

    Refer you to**** <3

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