Like any other single gal, I have fantasized about marrying a handsome neurosurgeon with pearly whites and exceptional hair (sound familiar? hint: McDreamy). But as I get older, and think about what my husband will actually be like, my priorities have shifted. I don’t need a Ken doll, I need steady Eddie. Someone who will be faithful, encouraging, inspiring, kind, challenging, who supports me and who shares my interests (while having their own). It’s funny that what’s important to you can deviate over time.
Being active in the dating scene, and putting yourself out there, I think it’s extremely important to know what you’re looking for. It prevents you from wasting time with someone who may not end up being what you need in the long run. It’s no secret that I’m looking for my end game, and while I’m trying to trust the process, I’ve been thinking about it a lot as of late. More specifically, what’s important to me and what’s not.
So, incase my prince charming is reading this (not likely), here are 15 things that are more important to me than looks in a significant other.
1) Similar values — I think having similar values– whether that be political, health-related, or religious– is extremely important. Chances are your actions and lifestyle choices reflect your values, so having someone who is on the same page as you is key.
2) Attraction — I know I said I’m not looking for a Ken doll, but I think physical and mental attraction are essential pillars in a successful relationship. Looks fade, so being attracted to someone’s personality is just as important to me.
3) Trust — I didn’t have this in my last relationship, so having trust, open communication, and honesty is a nonnegotiable.
4) Friendship — You’ve likely heard the saying, “date your best friend.” I’m here for it.
5) Compromise — I’m strong willed and stubborn, so I can really appreciate someone who is willing and able to compromise.
6) Patience — I don’t have a ton of patience, and can be high-strung and demanding, so I think a patient counterpart will help to neutralize me. I’ve dated hot-headed guys with big tempers, and that just doesn’t mesh well with my personality.
7) Shared interests — Being active (running, swimming, triathlons, hiking, etc.) is something that I’m extremely passionate about, so I need a guy who can mirror that.
8) Challenge — I often think that my way is the only (right) way. That being said, I’m looking for a partner who will challenge me and put me in my place when I am acting like a brat. Someone who will better me as a person.
9) Support — This blog is a big passion-project of mine, and my significant other has to accept that. I’m not asking them to take pictures for me (well, maybe…probably), but I need them to show interest in my work, inspire me, and support my efforts to build my brand.
10) Faithfulness — I’ve been cheated on before, and I’ve done the on-again-off-again relationship. It’s not something I’m interested in entertaining again.
11) Chivalry — I recently dated a guy who was big on Chivalry, and I never knew how much I needed and appreciated it until him. I can’t imagine dating someone who stands around and watches you (expects you to) take out the trash or clean the dishes without offering to help, or who lets the door slam in your face. No thanks.
12) Kindness — This is pretty self-explanatory, but someone who treats others (strangers) with kindness is someone that I want in my life.
13) Encouragement — I want a partnership where we can encourage one another’s dreams, big or small. Regardless of how ridiculous they sound.
14) Communication — Communication always has, and always will be, one of my top priorities. I don’t walk on eggshells. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking your mind to your guy, chances are he isn’t your forever.
15) A common end goal — Obviously, my five year goal is to be married and start a family. I need someone who wants the same, and isn’t afraid to work towards a future together.
The above are the things that I’m looking for, but may not be what’s important to you, and that’s okay. I’m ready to meet my person, but in the meantime, I’ll be posted up at the local dive bar, doing me.