Dating in 2018 can go one of two ways— 1) you can luck out, or 2) you can strike out (over and over and over again). If you tend to fall under the latter, this one’s for you.
When you put your heart on the line via a dating app, it can be a whirlwind, and more often than not you’re likely going to strike out. This isn’t because you aren’t a catch (you are), it’s because for every great guy there are 15 (or 50) terrible guys to weed through. And it can be exhausting.
When you’re dabbling on a dating site, you really have to know your worth, what you’re looking for, and be okay with the idea of walking away from anything less than great. It can be discouraging— putting yourself out there only to get dressed up for a mediocre date, or ghosted, in return— but it can teach you a lot about yourself. If you’re not confident in who you are and the type of person you want to be with, the rejection can be a major buzzkill and turn you off to the idea of dating altogether. It can make you feel inadequate, needy, and insecure. Unfortunately, I think this leads to a lot of people lowering their standards and settling for the sake of finding someone (anyone).
That’s not me.
I have always known what I wanted, and felt good about walking away from a date that didn’t feel right. That’s not to say it hasn’t been discouraging, but I think having a strong sense of self has given me a more optimistic view. I knew that when I met someone, the right someone, I could be comfortable being myself and their excitement would mirror mine. It would come naturally, and it would feel right without me trying to be something that I’m not. I’m enough, and that was enough to keep me swiping. My confidence gave me the validation I needed about being extra choosy. And it gave me a lot of hope, and that’s all I could really ask for.
So here I am, a handful of dates in, and confidence is still a huge factor.
I have to be confident in what I can bring to the table, comfortable with my independence, trusting in open communication, self-sufficient but open to the idea of welcoming someone new into my life, and firm in the belief that if it doesn’t work out (whatever the reason) I would be just fine. I am fully aware how this sounds, but I think self-confidence in women is extremely underrated. We should be proud of who we are, and what we have to offer. We shouldn’t feel like the lucky ones just because we got a guy to commit, they should feel lucky that we agreed to go on a date with them. I like to think that the right man will appreciate that confidence, instead of feeling threatened by it.
At the end of the day, being single can be disheartening and confidence-shattering. But on the same coin, it can help you establish your worth, and I think that’s pretty dang rad (see what I did there, with the t-shirt).