I debated writing this—because 1) it’s fairly personal, 2) it’s a bit discouraging that this even applies to me at 28—but here we are.
Six months ago, I got out of a roller coaster of a relationship where I felt like I really lost myself. After nearly four years of a series of low lows, I knew I needed to take some time to invest in myself, my friends and my family, before I would be able to get my mojo back. The burdens of that particular relationship brought out the worst in me, and I needed time to find myself again and figure out what it was that I wanted. After a month or two my best girlfriends were asking me when I was going to start dating again, and while I had completely moved on, I just wasn’t ready to put myself out there yet.
Come mid-January, I started to put my feelers out on some dating apps (insert eye roll emoji). The last time I was single, in 2013, dating apps were a fairly new concept—I gave it a go, but deleted my Tinder account almost immediately. Shockingly, this time around, at 28, I’m kinda into them. Here’s why;
1) I can meet like-minded guys without having to leave my couch (win-win), and I don’t have to actually talk to them in real life (IRL, as the kids say) unless I’m really feelin’ it
2) I don’t feel obligated to go to the bars every weekend just because I’m single and want to meet new people, because lets be honest, that would be miserable
3) I like that it’s on my own terms—I can be inactive for three weeks, and then super swipe-happy for the next two (it’s all about balance, amiright?)
So far, I’ve laughed at and judged more shirtless mirror selfies than I’ve actually been interested in. That being said, I’ve been on a handful of dates— some of which have been really good, others mediocre (practice dates, as I like to call them). I’ve been extra choosy, considering the girls have to make the first move to start the conversation. Over the past few months I’ve been ghosted, and I’ve done the ghosting (not proud of this). Some conversations have felt forced, while others have come almost too easily. I’ve cancelled on more dates than I’d like to admit, for no other reason than that my heart just wasn’t in to it, and staying home to watch Grey’s Anatomy in sweats seemed more appealing. But most importantly, I’ve learned a lot.
Dating in 2018 is equal parts discouraging and comical, but it gives me hope. A lot of girls my age fear breakups because they don’t want to start over, alone and at square one. For me, it’s the opposite. I’d rather be alone (living my best life) than stuck in a relationship that doesn’t feel 100% right. Being single again, and having the opportunity to see what else is out there, is exciting. There are a lot of unstable guys, but there are a lot of really good ones, too. I’m optimistic, but not attached to the idea of settling down just because everyone around me is engaged or pregnant. At the end of the day, I want to be in a healthy relationship, but I trust the process and I know it will happen when the timing is right.
Until then, you can catch me on Bumble dodging the weirdos.